"What is the one image you think describes my personality best?"

And my dear friend answered "a sunset."

Sometimes I feel like I'm different than everyone else. Feminine to the core, but masculine when it comes to emotion.... Maybe I produce more testosterone than the average female and this explains my intolerance toward crying men. My theory is: tears can be faked. So many times I witnessed someone crying. I was usually the cause of it. My upfront nature shattered his delicate ego and rather than influence him to grow a tougher skin, I created a monster. Someone that would cry every week to get his way, like a petulant child. Ugh. The very memory disgusts me.

On a lighter note: it feels good to type ferociously whatever the hell pops into my head.
Inspiration comes in many forms and although I write inside my head every moment of everyday I rarely commit it to paper... or computer screen. But luckily, a little friend of mine inspired me to write again today. The best part is looking back on what I've written, remembering how brilliant I was/am/will be, and seeing firsthand that I did overcome obstacles that at the time seemed insurmountable.

Earlier this evening, I was thinking a lot about death and how it has affected me. It doesn't scare me anymore, not like it used to. When I was about 6 years old, I had a dream that a ghost lady was screaming at me and woke up yelling for my father. He asked what I was so afraid of and I told him "Dying. I'm afraid to die because I don't want to be all alone in the dark." He wrapped the blanket tightly around me and said "Death is not darkness, it is light. When you die everyone that loves you is there to welcome you, like a big birthday party. And at first the world is blurry, but it becomes clearer as you focus and realize that there is so much love around you from those that passed on before us." I don't know where my father got these ideas, but they stuck with me my entire life and even at six I understood them to be the truth.
There will be nonbelievers. But is it so difficult to think that we will be reunited with our families after we die? After every family member I lost was physically gone I never really felt that they had left. All the love I had and continued to have for them didn't just disappear.
>Energy is neither created nor destroyed, it moves from one body to the next.
Love is the most potent energy I have ever come across, and it does not die, it cannot.

Lately, I have dreams of dying. It's usually a car accident; a massively violent, traumatic crash.
The most recent one involved my father and myself. We drove off a bridge and he was knocked unconscious. My seat belt broke and I saw that his was still fine. I thought "Good, he's unconscious so his relaxed body won't be as injured as mine will." I knew in that dream that I was about to die. I felt a rush of fluid (most likely blood) travel to my head and my skin became inflamed. I closed my eyes and thought that I was ready to die because I lived my life without a single regret. I thought, I graduated from college and I guess that's enough. I won't ever be a doctor, or have children, or travel the world, but I'm okay with that. As long as I die in place of my father. I felt the motion of the car as it continued falling over the bridge and I saw the concrete at the bottom getting closer. And moments before I should have heard glass and metal screeching against itself I woke up. I only opened my eyes, my heart was not pounding, my body didn't break out into a cold sweat. I was calm and my eyes immediately adjusted to the dark. Then I had an epiphany: death is like waking up.